The 2013 Met Gala Red Carpet was so boring that my attention for the live red carpet feed was over-shadowed by the RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 5 finale– congrats
Jinkx Monsoon. Any fucking way, the red carpet was rather tame and blah. I was expecting some freakshows, but all I really got was a lot of bad Givenchy– clearly the atelier was too busy with Rooney Mara’s gown to work on the other looks. Overall, there was so much bad that it really made the few gems stand out like eyesores. Check out my highs and lows below.
THE BEST:
– Riccardo Tisci with Rooney Mara, in Givenchy Haute Couture
Riccardo must have had all hands on deck for Rooney’s dress because all other Givenchy creations looked horrendous.
– Anne Hathaway, in vintage Valentino
This is how you dress for this type of themed event– slightly goth with the debut of a massive hair overhaul that works.
– Gwen Stefani, in custom Maison Martin Margiela
She can do no wrong for me. She did a “soft punk” look which is gorgeous. She could have defaulted to her usual and gone Hot Topic.
– Miley Cyrus, in Marc Jacobs
Yes, Miley fucking Cyrus. This could have been a total disaster, but she managed to hit the right balance of costume and glam. I’m partial to black fishnet, though.
– Jeff Koons salivating over Anja Rubik in Anthony Vaccarello
Really? I have to hand it to the most successful American artist of my lifetime for brazenly violating Anja with his eyes while being walked by his date.
– Zandra Rhodes in Zandra Rhodes
Because she’s a living legend and goddess. She didn’t fuck around or debate anything– she was herself. If you don’t know who the fuck she is, please leave this site, slap yourself, and Google her NOW.
– Ashley Olsen, in what I assume is The Row
This orange gown incased in gown was phenomenal. The color is bad, but the she looked amazing and memorable.
– Jennifer Lopez, in Michael Kors
What can I say about this fierce bitch? I have a soft spot for her. There’s nothing punk about it, but she turned it the fuck out with– head to toe.
THE WORST:
- Beyoncé, in Givenchy Haute Couture
The honorary chair of the event looked just like that– a chair from a tacky concept Miami hotel. Looks like her early days of Destiny’s Child and her mother’s obbession with discount upholstery fabric.
- Madonna, in Givenchy Haute Couture
Seriously what the fuck is this? Again, it’s Givenchy Haute Couture and it looks like something from the Costume Warehouse liquidation sale. What I do like is Madonna’s new face! She’s looking less puffy and more youthful. She should have just wore her new face. It would have been more apropos.
- Kim Kardashian, in custom Givenchy
I know she’s pregnant but I can’t with this. Strike 3 Givenchy!
- Sarah Jessica Parker, in custom Giles, with a Philip Treacy headpiece
Sarah still thinks she’s Carrie Branshaw and looks like a clown. Delusional.
- Kristen Stewart, in Stella McCartney
F.U.P.A. jumpsuit! Did anyone tell her that it looks as if her vigana starts at her gut?
- Karlie Kloss, in Louis Vuitton
Can some please tell why the hottest model on the fucking planet looks like a soccer mom at her 10 year high school reunion?
- Coco Rocha, in Emanuel Ungaro
The clipped-in bangs. Enough.
- Sloane Knowles, in Kenzo
Because I was expecting something stunning. What gives? I’m sure she had a shit-ton of designers clammering to dress her and she delivered this?
- Linda Evangelista, in Marchesa
She looks like she’s pregnant with a litter of 10 Chow Chows. Another one that could have totally turned it the fuck out.
- Nicole Richie In Topshop
There is no excuse for this. This looks like something out of a high school production of Scrooge– Ghost of Christmas Past.
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